Everyone keeps asking how they’re doing.
But not nearly enough people stop to ask how you’re doing.
We know that feeling because we’ve lived it. When someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, the focus understandably goes to them. The appointments. The treatments. The test results. The good days and the really hard ones.
But cancer doesn’t happen to just one person. It changes life for everyone who loves them.
And that includes you.
You’re carrying more than people see
Being a caregiver can mean a hundred different things.
You may be keeping track of appointments and medications, talking to doctors, dealing with insurance, getting the kids where they need to go, answering questions from family and friends, keeping the house moving and trying to hold everything together.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, you’re trying to process your own fear, exhaustion and uncertainty.
It’s a lot.
You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to have moments when you don’t know what to do next. None of that takes away from how much you love the person you’re caring for.
Some days you’ll feel like you’ve got this.
Some days you absolutely won’t.
Both are okay.
A few things that helped us
Keep everything in one place.
Find a notebook, folder or note on your phone and use it for everything: medications, questions for the doctor, appointment notes, phone numbers, insurance information and the names of people you talk to. There will be a lot coming at you, especially in the beginning. You shouldn’t have to rely on your memory for all of it.
Let people help you.
When someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” give them something specific. Ask them to pick up the kids, bring dinner, mow the lawn, sit with you at an appointment or grab groceries. People often truly want to help; they just don’t know what you need.
Ask about support at the treatment center.
Many hospitals and cancer centers have oncology social workers, patient navigators or other support staff who can help families find counseling, financial assistance, transportation, insurance resources and other programs. Ask your care team what is available. You may be surprised by how much help is out there.
Hold onto something that is yours.
Maybe it’s going for a run, grabbing coffee with a friend, working in the garage, reading before bed or just getting out of the house for an hour. It can feel wrong to take time for yourself when someone you love is sick.
It isn’t.
You still need moments where you get to simply be you.
Take care of yourself, too.
It’s easy to put your own health at the very bottom of the list. Try not to. Keep your appointments. Eat. Sleep when you can. Talk to someone when things get heavy.
You’re an important part of this family, too.
When you need more support
Sometimes you need more than encouragement from friends and family, and there are organizations that can help.
- CancerCare — Free professional counseling, support groups and practical resources for people with cancer, caregivers and loved ones.
- Cancer Support Community — Support, education and resources for people impacted by cancer and their families.
- Family Caregiver Alliance — Practical information, resources and guidance specifically for caregivers.
- Triage Cancer — Free education and resources for navigating insurance, finances, employment and legal issues related to cancer.
- Your treatment center — Ask if an oncology social worker, patient navigator or caregiver support program is available.
And if you could use a reminder that someone sees what you and your family are going through, we’d love to send one.
Our comfort boxes aren’t just for the person diagnosed. There’s something inside for the caregiver, the kids and the whole household, because that was the piece we felt was missing when cancer entered our own family.
You’re taking care of someone you love.
We just want to help take care of you, too.